A love found.

I never thought I’d find a love like this – let alone think that I’d ever deserve it. 

Backstory: I didn’t date much, didn’t actively seek a partner, had those beer induced nights yakking with girlfriends about how terrible the local pool of guys to choose from was……..and I was comfortable with the idea that I’d be single for quite some time.

But then I found love.  Only catch?  He was from the other side of the globe.

My initial thoughts: How would this ever work?  How could I ever afford to fly there on a regular basis?  Would he come here?  Does he really love how I am: emotionally, physically and otherwise?  All of these insecurities rolled in…..Now I know these could be common concerns/questions with ANY relationship, but trust me, they’re amplified when you’re thousands of miles away from the other.  Well, it turns out that when you really love someone and those feelings are reciprocated, you make it work. Not easily and you’re really not all that sure how sometimes…..but you make it work. 

So that was it. That was all I needed to make the journey to South Africa. Well, a 3 week vacation turned into a longer stay. Like 6 months longer. We made our own life: I got a job, became his right hand man on set, I introduced him to some American traditions, I spent my first holidays outside of the US and he decorated for the first time for the holidays (crazy right?!)….Although, I suppose being an American, going overboard for the holidays is just in my blood.  But we had a life together. We both had the dream of living and working in Europe, we figured within the next year or two. But then came the opportunity to fly home to the states much sooner than we were able to afford. So we thought: Why the hell not?!  So he sold and got rid of most of his belongings:  a car, apartment, some equipment, basic house belongings, etc. We flew to the good ole USA and have been here for 3 months. A tough transition from the South African life as with my work in the US, I have less free time and an unpredictable schedule. But again, we made it work.

Now his 3 months is up here and he leaves me in 3 days. To Amsterdam. Another country away and we don’t know what’s going to happen or when.  He’s going there all by himself to setup a life for us so we’re able to travel back and forth between countries, but the toughest part is: I don’t know when I’ll get to see my love. I don’t know when I’ll get to kiss my love. I don’t know when I’ll get to hug my love. And as I tear up just in writing this, I feel the slight heartbreak all over again – the same feeling I’ve felt for these last couple weeks just knowing that we’ll be apart for more than either of us care to be.

I’m now in the process of selling most of my belongings from my old place in the states, just to save up every last dollar I have so that I can at least visit Brett in Amsterdam. And he’s of course going to be working like a dog to save up for the same. If only money grew on trees……or if it didn’t cost more than college tuition just to take a plane ride.

So now you know. Although being an international couple is exciting, because you’re sometimes awarded different opportunities for travel that others aren’t……..it’s much tougher than you’d think. The constant not-knowing can be a real heartbreaker. But I’d do everything all over again and wait the rest of my lifetime just to be with my foreigner <3

Body lovers wanted.

It's just a simple picture folks: no nudity, pornographic reference, I'm not suggesting anything.

Sigh. "Another day, another dollar" right? Or should it be "Another picture, another hater"? That's really the way it seems to work. 

I posted this picture last night: It's just me and my love, all dressed up and freshly stuffed with delicious food from our anniversary dinner. Just a simple, wonderful night. Full of kisses, laughs, smiles and love. So I post that photo, then early the next morning come the oh-so-lovely comments. A trio of body-shaming women, just out to ruin someone's day with comments such as "How obscene"  "Fat slut"  "Disgusting" and then telling each other to take a look at other pictures and then laughing. I suppose to some, this would be a day-wrecker. With some moments of tears, sadness, hesitation over the photos you've posted and the ones you're going to post in the future. I suppose I just don't have that bone in my body. Honestly, I thought it was rude, of course, but more importantly, I just thought it was so terribly sad. So sad that WOMEN feel the need to bring other WOMEN down. No matter their shape or size - just the simple fact that another woman, knowing what it's like already to be self-conscious and possibly have body issues, is willing to put another down just for the sake of making their day better or getting a simple laugh. 

Really? Another person's happiness is another's joke? Lord almighty, I wonder where my generation is headed sometimes. 

So instead of lashing out and telling them why they're wrong, hateful, assholes, etc, I just blocked 'em. Why? Because there's no sense in wasting my breath just to defend.....what? My body? Why on earth would I do that?! It's my body, not anyone else's and I'm the only one that has to love it. Wait...........did you hear that??  I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO LOVE IT. It's just a wonderful bonus that I have someone else that does. But regardless of what anyone else thinks, I will choose what is appropriate for me and when. I'll keep wearing whatever I want just because it's comfy and I like it. And those are the only reasons you need. It's just unfortunate that folks can't be supportive of one another, I mean, we're all humans, we all have insecurities, confidences, body issues, emotional issues, stresses, loves, successes and failures. So why would we want to do anything else other than root one another on? 

So if you don't like what I'm wearing, for the simple fact that it's not your taste, or I shouldn't be wearing crop tops or see through leggings...........well, all I have to say to you is: perhaps you should get some. Let your skin out and look however you'd like. Because if we can't be comfortable with ourselves, than who are we ever going to be comfortable with??

Don't waste your positive energy by turning it into negative and bashing another person for bashing you. Not only does it not make sense, but it's counter-productive to the overall goal of happiness. I like the way I look, the way I dress and the way my love looks at me with utter adoration. Being called an "Inappropriate, obscene slut" doesn't bug me in the slightest. Why? 

Because it ain't nothin' but a G thang baby.